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150 stories tagged with politics.
From divine instruction during primaries to “serving the people” from a freshly upholstered party office, our lawmakers have perfected the art of crossing carpet without disturbing their principles.
Nyesom Dwala
Party insiders say the 2027 ticket may now include enough vice presidents to balance religion, region, tribe and Arsenal fans, while the economy rudely continues refusing to respect zoning. Policy discussions have been postponed until Nigerians finish arguing over the poster.
Nyesom Dwala
With INEC’s clock ticking louder than a generator at midnight, political parties have entered emergency mode, printing posters, pricing delegates, and rediscovering grassroots they last visited during the previous election miracle.
Nyesom Dwala
INEC has granted political parties extra time to upload candidates, after several aspirants reportedly discovered deadlines are not mere campaign suggestions. Nigerians, meanwhile, were reminded that democracy is a group assignment where only voters do their part on time.
Nyesom Dwala
Officials hailed the N1.1 trillion “saved” as proof that Nigeria can achieve miracles without roads, hospitals or electricity getting in the way. Citizens have been urged to appreciate the invisible wealth before asking irresponsible questions like “where is it?”
Nyesom Dwala
As INEC dusts off its 2027 timetable, experts say Nigerians can now see the next election more clearly than the roads, jobs, and light promised in the last one. Politicians have also begun their sacred pilgrimage to streets they will forget immediately after collation.
Nyesom Dwala
After decades of delivering premium hope without the burden of delivery, the Federal Ministry of Promises has finally been recognised for its most reliable service: announcing tomorrow before yesterday can ask questions.
Nyesom Dwala
Opposition leaders say their new Grand National Rescue Coalition will finally rescue Nigeria from the last group of politicians who promised to rescue Nigeria, many of whom were also present at the launch.
Reuben Datti
Political analysts have released Nigeria’s most reliable survival guide: never remain in the opposition long enough for the results to embarrass you. The new handbook includes approved phrases like “after wide consultations” and instructions for changing party colours without changing the same smiling face.
Reuben Datti
Following revelations that some agencies may have been operating on vibes and laminated letterheads, the Federal Government has ordered an emergency verification exercise for all ministries, departments and agencies. Officials say each one must now come to Abuja with proof that it actually exists.
Reuben Datti
Nigerians should stop complaining and start appreciating the premium subscription service they call a country. Where else can fuel queues, NEPA’s hourly cameo and supermarket feasibility studies all come bundled as character development?
Reuben Datti
The Federal Government has set up a high-powered committee to investigate why previous committees never solved anything, after discovering that Nigeria’s most renewable natural resource may be unread reports. The panel will first review 2,000 committees, then recommend another committee to implement the findings.
Nyesom Dwala
A respected elder statesman has urged Nigerians to “return to our values” at a summit on ethics, integrity and traditional virtues, despite eyewitness accounts that he personally sold most of those values in 2011 and has been paying in instalments ever since.
Reuben Datti
A Nigerian senator has denied owning a six-bedroom mansion — while addressing reporters from the upstairs balcony of the same property. He says the gold initials, marble pillars and fountain shaped like his head are just “coincidences God will judge.”
Nyesom Dwala
The Federal Government has opened a Ministry of Patience, saying Nigerians have already shown “exceptional competence in waiting” across fuel prices, electricity, inflation and everything else. The ministry promises a National Certificate in Endurance, once citizens finish waiting for the website to launch.
Nyesom Dwala
The Presidency has finally explained why Aso Rock runs on solar while Nigerians are left to romance the national grid: it’s “out of solidarity.” Officials say they didn’t want to compete with citizens for the little electricity available, unlike the Villa, which enjoys uninterrupted Wi-Fi and air conditioning.
Nyesom Dwala
Political analysts have reportedly found the only sure way Peter Obi can win in 2027: contest all 36 states, the FCT and every Nigerian WhatsApp family group at once. The real challenge, however, may be voters who collect five caps, transport fare and still ask, “Who exactly are we voting for again?”
Reuben Datti
The Senate has launched an urgent investigation into why Nigerians keep asking irritating questions like “Where is the money?” and “Why is this road still like this?” Soon, citizens may need a permit before demanding accountability, transparency or common sense.
Nyesom Dwala
The Federal Government has approved a new Ministry of “We’ll Look Into It,” a bold move aimed at centralising the official Nigerian art of acknowledging problems without solving them. From insecurity to unpaid salaries, every complaint will now enjoy one unified journey to “being reviewed.”
Reuben Datti
After years of being told to “believe in the Nigeria of our dreams,” Nigerians have reportedly asked for the dreamer’s full name, address and exact coordinates. Officials insist the country exists, but only in PowerPoint, campaign manifestos and keynote speeches.
Nyesom Dwala
Lawmakers say Nigeria can no longer leave online quarrels to chance, so they’ve proposed a Ministry of Social Media Arguments to regulate everything from politics to jollof rice supremacy. The new agency is expected to employ certified keyboard warriors and licence phrases like “Respectfully, you’re wrong.”
Reuben Datti
RINEC has unveiled Nigeria’s newest democratic innovation: Queue-Based Voting, a system that replaces ballot papers with the age-old national ritual of standing behind something and hoping for the best. Officials say it’s faster, cheaper, and already familiar to citizens.
Reuben Datti
A prominent politician has defected after concluding that the rival party’s campaign rice had better texture, aroma and political value. Insiders say Nigeria’s democracy is fast becoming a buffet system, with parties now in an emergency race to upgrade from stones to meat.
Reuben Datti
Residents of Hopefully Renewed State have watched in awe as the governor commissioned the same 3.2-kilometre road for the fourth time, proving that in Nigerian governance, infrastructure is never truly finished — it just keeps trending. Officials say a fifth unveiling is already in the works.
Reuben Datti
