Federal Government Sets Up Committee to Investigate Why Previous Committees Never Solved Anything

In a decisive move to strengthen public confidence, the Federal Government has inaugurated a high-powered committee tasked with investigating why the numerous committees established over the years have consistently failed to produce meaningful results.

The newly constituted Presidential Committee on the Performance of Previous Presidential Committees was unveiled at a colourful ceremony attended by current committee members, former committee members, and several individuals who admitted they could no longer remember which committees they belonged to.

Speaking at the inauguration, the committee chairman promised Nigerians a thorough investigation.

"We will leave no committee uninvestigated," he declared. "Our mandate is to determine why earlier committees submitted reports that were immediately committed to shelves."

According to the terms of reference, the committee will review over 2,000 reports produced since independence, identify recurring recommendations, and recommend the establishment of another committee to oversee implementation.

Government officials praised the initiative, insisting committees remain the country's most renewable natural resource.

"When a problem arises, some countries rush into action," a senior official explained. "Nigeria believes in due process. We first create a committee, then a technical committee, followed by a steering committee to supervise the technical committee before considering whether the matter deserves attention."

Citizens welcomed the announcement with cautious familiarity.

"I've seen this movie before," said one Abuja resident. "My only concern is whether the committee investigating committees will eventually be investigated by another committee."

At press time, the inaugural meeting had been postponed after members agreed they first needed to establish a subcommittee on meeting schedules, while another panel was formed to determine the most appropriate venue for discussing the findings of the first panel.