The Federal Government has opened a Ministry of Patience, saying Nigerians have already shown “exceptional competence in waiting” across fuel prices, electricity, inflation and everything else. The ministry promises a National Certificate in Endurance, once citizens finish waiting for the website to launch.
In what officials have described as "the most realistic policy intervention of this administration," the Federal Government has officially inaugurated the Federal Ministry of Patience, a new agency dedicated to helping Nigerians endure hardship with what it called "renewed emotional resilience."
Speaking at the colourful inauguration ceremony, the newly appointed Minister of Patience said the ministry was created after years of observing that Nigerians had already demonstrated "exceptional competence in waiting."
"We've asked Nigerians to be patient over fuel prices, electricity, inflation, roads, salaries, security, and the economy," the minister said. "It became clear that patience is no longer a virtue, it is now a national resource that deserves its own ministry."
According to the ministry's implementation roadmap, citizens will soon have access to several flagship programmes, including the National Queue Appreciation Scheme, the Hope Preservation Initiative, and the Department of 'Small Small.' Officials also unveiled a mobile application that sends encouraging notifications every morning reading, "Just a little longer."
The ministry further announced plans to introduce a National Certificate in Endurance, awarded to Nigerians who have survived at least three economic reforms, two fuel price adjustments, and more than five years of uninterrupted promises that "things will soon get better."
Citizens who successfully complete the programme will reportedly qualify for priority seating at future government town hall meetings, where they will receive complimentary bottled water before being asked to remain patient again.
Meanwhile, economic analysts welcomed the initiative, describing it as "the only government ministry whose primary raw material is already abundant."
At press time, the Ministry of Patience had appealed to Nigerians to remain calm after announcing that the official launch of its website had been postponed indefinitely, assuring citizens that "waiting is part of the orientation process."
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