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17 stories tagged with government.
As officials urge calm over Ebola, Nigerians are weighing the statement against years of “under control” announcements that ended in fuel queues, darkness and dollar gymnastics. In an outbreak, trust may be the only vaccine government cannot borrow, print or blame on global headwinds.
Nyesom Dwala
Nigeria is simplifying emergencies into one number, 112, ending the era of victims needing a contact list, a prayer point, and an uncle in uniform. Officials say help is coming nationwide, once the committee finishes rescuing the rescue system.
Nyesom Dwala
Lawmakers say a “government agency” that may not legally exist still managed to collect letterhead, confidence, and 58 bank accounts like souvenirs. In Nigeria’s latest startup success story, even the banks are now asking, “Please, who approved this ministry?”
Nyesom Dwala
Lagos has unveiled a three-year HIV plan that technically began last year, proving once again that Nigerian timelines are powered by vibes and committee minutes. Officials say the goal is testing, treatment, and reduced stigma, before the virus starts demanding its own launch event.
Nyesom Dwala
The recruitment list has delivered rare good news to 50,000 applicants, and immediate bragging rights to 49,999 families, uncles and neighbours. Nigeria now waits to see whether the new officers will also receive equipment, training and more than one metaphorical football.
Nyesom Dwala
Lawmakers say the alleged CEO must be produced immediately, before his agency submits a 2026 budget for “Strategic Vibes Harmonisation.” Nigerians admitted the only suspicious part was that the fake ministry appeared too organised to be real.
Nyesom Dwala
In a bold break from national tradition, the FG has chosen the sun over the grid to power MMIA’s new terminal, citing the sun’s impressive record of showing up without blaming vandals, gas supply or ‘system collapse.’
Nyesom Dwala
Lagos officials hailed the rains for achieving what decades of water projects could not: delivering free, indoor water to residents without asking for meter numbers, connection fees, or patience. Drainages, still missing, have been invited to next year’s stakeholder meeting.
Nyesom Dwala
After decades of delivering premium hope without the burden of delivery, the Federal Ministry of Promises has finally been recognised for its most reliable service: announcing tomorrow before yesterday can ask questions.
Nyesom Dwala
Officials say the breakthrough will finally replace “only God knows” with a firm nine-month waiting period, giving applicants enough time to learn French, miss their flight, and become different people from their passport photographs.
Reuben Datti
Scientists have reportedly solved Nigeria’s survival mystery: the average citizen no longer runs on food, power, or public services, but on one renewable energy source; “it will be better.” Government is said to be considering classifying hope as a mineral deposit.
Nyesom Dwala
What began as a routine petrol wait in Lagos has reportedly matured into a full-fledged settlement, complete with naming ceremonies, resident associations and wedding invitations. In Fuel Estate Phase One, even the bride price may now be payable in jerrycans.
Nyesom Dwala
The Senate has launched an urgent investigation into why Nigerians keep asking irritating questions like “Where is the money?” and “Why is this road still like this?” Soon, citizens may need a permit before demanding accountability, transparency or common sense.
Nyesom Dwala
FRSCC has reminded motorists that overtaking a government convoy is not just risky, but a suspiciously ambitious act. Drivers are now advised to surrender the right lane, reduce speed, and apologise silently for reaching the road first.
Nyesom Dwala
After years of being told to “believe in the Nigeria of our dreams,” Nigerians have reportedly asked for the dreamer’s full name, address and exact coordinates. Officials insist the country exists, but only in PowerPoint, campaign manifestos and keynote speeches.
Nyesom Dwala
If Nigeria is serious about accountability, transparency and results, it should stop appointing politicians and hand the cabinet to Nigerian mothers. They already run tighter budgets, better intelligence, and stricter discipline than half the ministries combined.
Reuben Datti
The FG has launched a self-service portal so civil servants can now suffer administrative delays from the comfort of their phones. Workers say the new system is a bold step forward: no more office queues, only electronic disappearing files and the familiar Nigerian sound of digital silence.
Nyesom Dwala
