Why Every Nigerian Mother Should Be a Minister

There comes a point in every nation's development when difficult questions must be asked. Mine is simple: why are we still appointing ordinary politicians as ministers when Nigerian mothers have spent decades demonstrating superior administrative competence without official recognition?

Consider the evidence.

A Nigerian mother can detect who left meat out of the pot without CCTV footage, forensic laboratories, or a judicial panel of inquiry. She simply enters the kitchen, surveys the scene for three seconds, and confidently announces the culprit by full name, including the names of their ancestors.

That level of intelligence gathering belongs in national security.

She also possesses budgeting skills that would make international financial institutions nervous. Give her ₦10,000 and she will feed six people, contribute to church, save transport money, and still remind you that "money doesn't grow on trees."

Meanwhile, entire ministries struggle to explain where billions disappeared.

Conflict resolution? Nigerian mothers invented it. They can settle a fight between siblings without hearing a single witness, after which both parties somehow apologise to each other while the actual offender remains a mystery.

Their monitoring systems are unmatched. A Nigerian mother knows when you arrive home, even while sleeping. She knows when you're lying, even before you've finished the sentence. Most impressively, she can hear a refrigerator opening from two streets away.

Imagine deploying that technology in public service.

Need attendance at cabinet meetings? Nobody skips a meeting chaired by a Nigerian mother after hearing, "Come here. I won't repeat myself."

Corruption would also decline dramatically. It is difficult to misappropriate public funds when someone keeps asking, "Is this what you spent all that money on?"

Perhaps the greatest qualification, however, is accountability. Every Nigerian mother ends every investigation with the immortal phrase: "When your father comes home..."

Even ministers know some authorities cannot be appealed.