Category
121 stories in this section.
After retiring “logistics challenges” with full honours, cabinet officials say Nigerians can look forward to a fresher, more innovative explanation for the next fuel scarcity — expected to arrive shortly after the queues, panic buying, and one uncle shouting “how much per litre?”
Nyesom Dwala
The agency says normal darkness has been restored after a “technical oversight” left fans spinning, fridges humming, and Nigerians briefly suspecting national development. Investigators are now searching for the staff member behind the shocking outbreak of efficiency.
Nyesom Dwala
Nigeria’s private chefs have gone on a quiet identity strike after the internet gave their job title “alternative meaning.” To reduce further confusion, many have now updated their bios to read: PRIVATE CHEF (ACTUAL FOOD).
Reuben Datti
Lagos State has introduced emergency ferry services for motorists who have spent so long in traffic that they now answer to waterfront residents. Officials said the move was necessary after rain turned the city’s roads into “multimodal” water routes, with cars, canoes and danfos all competing for space.
Nyesom Dwala
JAMB’s new 150 cut-off has reportedly triggered nationwide family reconciliation, as parents rush to apologise to children they once called disappointments. Across Nigeria, 151 is now being treated like a Harvard scholarship, while 300-plus candidates are wondering why nobody is even replying their result.
Nyesom Dwala
A respected elder statesman has urged Nigerians to “return to our values” at a summit on ethics, integrity and traditional virtues, despite eyewitness accounts that he personally sold most of those values in 2011 and has been paying in instalments ever since.
Reuben Datti
What began as a routine petrol wait in Lagos has reportedly matured into a full-fledged settlement, complete with naming ceremonies, resident associations and wedding invitations. In Fuel Estate Phase One, even the bride price may now be payable in jerrycans.
Nyesom Dwala
Peller has reportedly been named the face of the Olodo Uprising, a bold national movement proving that confidence can, indeed, arrive before understanding. Universities are said to be on alert as Nigerians increasingly answer with conviction, vibes and “you know what I mean.”
Nyesom Dwala
After experts assured Nigerians that true wealth is now hiding in akara, bole, tomatoes and pepper, thousands have reportedly dumped white-collar jobs to chase roadside IPOs. Banks are already rolling out Akara Loans, while a new crop of millionaires prepares to battle for premium pothole locations.
Reuben Datti
The Presidency has finally explained why Aso Rock runs on solar while Nigerians are left to romance the national grid: it’s “out of solidarity.” Officials say they didn’t want to compete with citizens for the little electricity available, unlike the Villa, which enjoys uninterrupted Wi-Fi and air conditioning.
Nyesom Dwala
PHCN says Nigerians will finally enjoy 24-hour electricity by 2099, provided the committee-to-monitor-the-committee roadmap survives all phases. The agency says the plan is “ambitious but achievable,” and generators, inverters and candles have already begun long-term mourning.
Nyesom Dwala
Cement has officially been reclassified as a luxury good, leaving developers to replace project budgets with prayer points and motivational quotes. Nigerians can now admire bags of cement the way they admire imported champagne: from a respectful distance.
Reuben Datti
The Federal Government has approved a new Ministry of “We’ll Look Into It,” a bold move aimed at centralising the official Nigerian art of acknowledging problems without solving them. From insecurity to unpaid salaries, every complaint will now enjoy one unified journey to “being reviewed.”
Reuben Datti
FRSCC has reminded motorists that overtaking a government convoy is not just risky, but a suspiciously ambitious act. Drivers are now advised to surrender the right lane, reduce speed, and apologise silently for reaching the road first.
Nyesom Dwala
After years of being told to “believe in the Nigeria of our dreams,” Nigerians have reportedly asked for the dreamer’s full name, address and exact coordinates. Officials insist the country exists, but only in PowerPoint, campaign manifestos and keynote speeches.
Nyesom Dwala
Lawmakers say Nigeria can no longer leave online quarrels to chance, so they’ve proposed a Ministry of Social Media Arguments to regulate everything from politics to jollof rice supremacy. The new agency is expected to employ certified keyboard warriors and licence phrases like “Respectfully, you’re wrong.”
Reuben Datti
A Lagos businessman who left for Abuja for “just one meeting” has returned three weeks later, insisting the meeting still took only one day. Officials say this is normal: in Abuja, one appointment can easily multiply into buffet lunches, signatures and “we’ll keep in touch.”
Reuben Datti
After the First Lady said roasting corn “doesn’t take a lot of money,” Nigerians quickly embraced the new economic policy, with graduates now running spreadsheets on charcoal, umbrellas and strategic junctions. Analysts fear the country may soon achieve full corn saturation.
Reuben Datti
The Federal Government has moved to honour Nigeria’s most reliable national service: complaint. Citizens will soon get a public holiday to lament fuel, light, potholes, data tariffs and everything else, before returning home to complain that the holiday itself is too late.
Nyesom Dwala
The FG has launched a self-service portal so civil servants can now suffer administrative delays from the comfort of their phones. Workers say the new system is a bold step forward: no more office queues, only electronic disappearing files and the familiar Nigerian sound of digital silence.
Nyesom Dwala
FAAN has introduced a Pre-Queue Queue at Lagos airport, where passengers now must first stand in line to qualify for the real line. Officials say it’s a passenger experience upgrade, while travellers say they’ve finally found a queue that queues them back.
Nyesom Dwala
The Nigeria Police has launched a new “Dialogue First” policy, promising to ask suspects politely why they’re running before taking action. Officials say the arrangement will be reviewed immediately if the suspect enters a keke, jumps a fence, or enters full Usain Bolt mode.
Nyesom Dwala
Witnesses report the bus 'briefly left the road around Falomo' and a passenger emerged from the trip already engaged.
Nyesom Dwala
Nigerians are reportedly facing a new fuel era where pump price now depends on vibes, face card and whether attendants think you’re a serious person. At filling stations, motorists are being screened with questions like, “Can we trust you with this fuel?”
Nyesom Dwala
