Cabinet Approves New Excuse for Fuel Scarcity

In what officials described as a landmark achievement for public communication, the Federal Executive Council has reportedly approved a brand-new official excuse for Nigeria's recurring fuel scarcity, replacing the long-serving phrase "logistics challenges," which sources say has become "overworked and no longer convincing."

The new excuse, whose contents remain classified until the next nationwide fuel shortage, was unanimously adopted after a three-hour cabinet meeting and several litres of bottled water.

"We felt Nigerians deserved fresh content," a government spokesperson explained. "You can't keep giving people the same explanation every six months. We believe in innovation."

According to insiders, the retired excuse has served the nation faithfully for over two decades and will now receive full retirement benefits alongside other distinguished national phrases, including "the matter is being looked into," "we inherited this problem," and "normalcy will be restored shortly."

Meanwhile, petrol stations across the country have reportedly begun preparing for the announcement by rearranging their queues into more orderly zigzags to improve customer experience.

"We don't know the excuse yet," one station manager admitted. "We just know business is about to boom."

Several Nigerians welcomed the development, saying they had grown tired of memorising the previous explanations.

"I already know all the old excuses by heart," said a commercial bus driver in Lagos. "At least surprise me before I spend four hours in a queue."

Political analysts also praised the cabinet's creativity, suggesting the government introduce a subscription service where citizens receive monthly downloadable excuses before every anticipated scarcity.

At press time, the newly approved excuse had reportedly been sent to government officials nationwide with strict instructions not to leak it early, while thousands of Nigerians quietly parked their cars beside filling stations anyway, insisting that experience has taught them the excuse always arrives five minutes after the queues do.