Association of Nigerian Private Chefs Demands Return of Profession After Internet Gives It 'Alternative Meaning'

The Association of Professional Private Chefs of Nigeria (APPCON) has declared a nationwide identity crisis after years of battling what it describes as "persistent allegations that our profession now includes responsibilities nobody taught us in culinary school."

At an emergency press conference attended by visibly exhausted chefs in aprons, the association insisted its members' primary duty remains cooking food—not navigating the increasingly imaginative interpretations of Nigerian social media.

"There was a time when introducing yourself as a private chef meant people expected jollof rice," the association's president lamented. "Now they just smile knowingly and ask, 'So... what else do you cook?'"

The confusion reportedly reached new heights after one Lagos chef said a prospective client asked whether she offered a "full overnight package."

"I proudly sent him my menu," she recalled. "He replied, 'No, the other menu.' I immediately blocked him and went back to making pepper soup."

Social media analysts say the phrase "private chef" has become the latest casualty in Nigeria's unofficial dictionary, joining expressions like "I'm outside," "link up," and "soft life," all of which now allegedly require subtitles before use.

Meanwhile, culinary schools across the country have begun adding a compulsory course titled "How to Explain That You Actually Cook for a Living." Students are reportedly taught to carry pots, frying pans, and bags of onions to client meetings "as supporting evidence."

At press time, thousands of genuine private chefs had quietly updated their Instagram bios to read "PRIVATE CHEF (ACTUAL FOOD)", while one chef reportedly arrived at a client's house carrying a giant pot of egusi soup before announcing, "I'm here to clear up any confusion before we start."