Rivers Assembly Reinstates Three Pro-Fubara Lawmakers, and Honestly, Even the Mace Is Confused

Good news: the lawmakers are back at work. Bad news: nobody is sure who they were working for before.

Forget Netflix. If you want a series with plot twists, betrayals and a surprise comeback in every episode, just follow the Rivers State House of Assembly. This week, the House has reinstated three lawmakers who are said to be on Governor Fubara’s side. Yes, they are back. Same seats, same suits, same facial expressions that say, “I never left.”

Let us walk through it slowly, like we are explaining to a visitor from Kano. At some point, these lawmakers were out. Now, they are in. In between, there were meetings, statements, press briefings, and many people saying the word “peace” the way people say “I’m on my way” when they are still in the bathroom.

Take Ebiere, a lawmaker’s aide I invented but whom you definitely know. Ebiere has been printing, reprinting, and laminating name tags for two years. Every time the tag is ready, the politics changes, and the name is wrong. She now keeps a special drawer labelled “Maybe.” Last week, a man came to check if the tags were ready. She asked, “Which season are we in?”

Supporters of the reinstatement will say it is a sign that reconciliation is working, and that the state is finally returning to normal. And you know what? Maybe they are right. But the word “normal” in Rivers politics is like the word “soon” in a Lagos mechanic’s mouth. It is technically a promise, but it has no date.

Meanwhile, the people of Rivers are doing the sensible thing: continuing their lives. The pepper soup seller still opens at 6 p.m. The okada man still ignores traffic lights. The only difference is that everyone now speaks of the Assembly in the tone people reserve for relatives who borrow money and return with long stories.

Critics will ask: if the lawmakers can be removed and returned this easily, what exactly was the removal? And the honest answer is that nobody knows. It is a mystery wrapped in a motion, tied with a point of order. Even the staff who sweep the chamber have started wearing a look of quiet wisdom.

Let us not forget the real beneficiaries: the lawmakers’ tailors, who now have three measurements to update, and the photographers, who are finally selling the “welcome back” banner to the same people twice.

Anyway, we congratulate the returning lawmakers. May your seats be comfortable, your votes be counted, and your names stay on the door for at least a full week.