Presidency, Bishops Continue National Competition to See Who Loves Nigeria More

President Bola Tinubu's recent meeting with the Catholic Bishops' Conference of Nigeria has reportedly ignited yet another round of Nigeria's favourite national pastime: arguing over who has the moral authority to diagnose problems that everybody already agrees exist.

The meeting, which was expected to promote dialogue between government and religious leaders, instead produced a fresh wave of television debates, newspaper columns, press statements and WhatsApp broadcasts, ensuring that Nigeria's most abundant natural resource remains public opinion.

Political observers say the controversy began after some bishops expressed concerns about the country's economic and security situation, prompting supporters of the presidency to remind Nigerians that criticism is much easier than governing.

"This is not the time for negative comments," one government supporter reportedly argued, moments before making seventeen consecutive negative comments about the bishops.

The bishops, meanwhile, insisted that speaking truth to power remains part of their calling.

Government supporters responded by suggesting that speaking truth should perhaps be done a little more quietly.

Analysts have since divided into two predictable camps. One insists religious leaders must continue holding governments accountable. The other insists they should concentrate on heaven and leave earthly matters to politicians who occasionally promise to take Nigerians there anyway.

Across the country, ordinary Nigerians watched the arguments with remarkable calm, largely because they have become experts at surviving both sermons and press conferences without expecting either to reduce the price of tomatoes.

"It's a very interesting debate," said one commercial bus driver in Abuja. "But unless one of them is planning to rebuke inflation in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I still have passengers asking why transport fare has doubled."

Constitutional scholars have already announced plans for several conferences to discuss the proper relationship between religion and governance, a development expected to produce enough communiqués to temporarily solve Nigeria's paper shortage.

At press time, both sides had reportedly agreed on one important point: Nigeria deserves better. The only remaining disagreement was over who should deliver the sermon, who should write the policy, and who would eventually be blamed when neither arrived on time.