'If you can't see the road, you can't complain about it,' the minister explained during a 4-hour press conference held in his Range Rover.
Under the plan, badly damaged roads will be quietly removed from Google Maps, Apple Maps and OpenStreetMap, eliminating public knowledge of their existence and, by extension, complaints about their state.
The minister noted that the scheme is 'budget-neutral' and could be expanded to bridges, hospitals and any other infrastructure 'we'd rather not deal with right now'.
Citizens are advised to memorize their commutes by Friday.
Keep reading
A Nigerian senator has denied owning a six-bedroom mansion — while addressing reporters from the upstairs balcony of the same property. He says the gold initials, marble pillars and fountain shaped like his head are just “coincidences God will judge.”
Nyesom Dwala
The Federal Government has opened a Ministry of Patience, saying Nigerians have already shown “exceptional competence in waiting” across fuel prices, electricity, inflation and everything else. The ministry promises a National Certificate in Endurance, once citizens finish waiting for the website to launch.
Nyesom Dwala
Political analysts have reportedly found the only sure way Peter Obi can win in 2027: contest all 36 states, the FCT and every Nigerian WhatsApp family group at once. The real challenge, however, may be voters who collect five caps, transport fare and still ask, “Who exactly are we voting for again?”
Reuben Datti
The Senate has launched an urgent investigation into why Nigerians keep asking irritating questions like “Where is the money?” and “Why is this road still like this?” Soon, citizens may need a permit before demanding accountability, transparency or common sense.
Nyesom Dwala
RINEC has unveiled Nigeria’s newest democratic innovation: Queue-Based Voting, a system that replaces ballot papers with the age-old national ritual of standing behind something and hoping for the best. Officials say it’s faster, cheaper, and already familiar to citizens.
Reuben Datti
A prominent politician has defected after concluding that the rival party’s campaign rice had better texture, aroma and political value. Insiders say Nigeria’s democracy is fast becoming a buffet system, with parties now in an emergency race to upgrade from stones to meat.
Reuben Datti
0 comments
