INEC unveils new election logistics plan: voters will be teleported to their polling units

ABUJA — The Independent National Electoral Commission has unveiled what it calls a 'revolutionary' approach to the persistent voter-turnout problem: teleportation.

Under the proposed scheme, every registered voter will be quantum-relocated to their assigned polling unit at exactly 8 a.m. on election day, stay long enough to vote, and be returned to their original location 'somewhere between 11 and unspecified'.

What could go wrong?

Asked about the 0.4% expected loss rate, INEC Chairman replied that 'all stakeholders have been consulted, including the Ministry of Health'.

Civil society groups have welcomed the plan, with one activist noting: 'For the first time, my vote will count — assuming I land in the right state.'