WAEC Introduces New Subject Called Surviving Nigeria

In what education experts have described as "the only subject students will actually use after graduation," the West African Examinations Council (WAEC) has announced the introduction of a compulsory subject titled Surviving Nigeria, beginning with the next examination cycle.

According to the examination body, the new subject was created after employers complained that while graduates could solve quadratic equations, many still struggled with practical life skills such as finding transport during fuel scarcity, spotting fake online giveaways, and calculating how many eggs could still qualify as "breakfast."

The syllabus reportedly includes topics such as Advanced Queue Management, Introduction to Nepa Psychology, Applied Price Haggling, Practical Pothole Navigation, Generator Maintenance for Beginners, and How to Keep a Straight Face When Your Landlord Says, "It's Just a Small Increase."

Students will also sit for a practical examination in which they must board a Lagos danfo, negotiate transport fare without crying, survive a three-hour traffic jam with 2% phone battery, and politely tell relatives they cannot "just send something small."

WAEC confirmed there will be no multiple-choice questions because "Nigeria itself has never offered multiple choices."

Parents have welcomed the development, insisting their children already possess years of continuous assessment from living in the country.

At press time, the Federal Ministry of Education had announced that candidates who score an A1 in Surviving Nigeria would automatically qualify to lecture the subject, while those who fail would be offered free remedial classes on how to locate an ATM with cash, convince a dispatch rider not to cancel their order, and answer the timeless interview question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" without laughing.