Lil Baby Is Coming to Lagos for Flytime’s Rhythm Unplugged on December 21, and Your Savings Account Has Just Gone Into Hiding

An American rapper has recorded a short video on Instagram, and Nigeria has already started to do arithmetic.

Lil Baby has been announced as the headliner of Flytime Coca-Cola Rhythm Unplugged, part of this year’s Detty December. In the video, he said: “December 21st, I am going to be performing live at the Flytime Coca-Cola Rhythm Unplugged.” The venue is Eko Hotel, Lagos. That is all he said. One sentence and one date. And yet the whole of Lagos is now reading that sentence like it is a contract.

First, let us talk about the word “Unplugged”. My dear, we all know that a Lagos concert is never unplugged. There will be a generator, a back-up generator, a back-up for the back-up, and a young man somewhere shouting “NEPA!” at 11 p.m. The only thing that is unplugged at a Nigerian event is your phone battery, which will die after your fifth video of the lights.

Second, the price. The organisers have not announced the details, and already people are guessing. “It will be ₦150,000.” “No, it will be $200.” “Regular will be ₦200,000, VIP will be a plot of land.” We are fully prepared for the day the ticket page opens. We will all be on the page together, refreshing, begging the little wheel to spin, while seven hundred people ahead of us in the queue are also begging. Then the page will say “tickets are no longer available,” and you will see photos of the same people holding wristbands on Instagram, and you will wonder how they did it. They did not do anything. They knew somebody.

Third, the road. Eko Hotel is on Victoria Island, and the show is on 21 December, in the same week as everyone’s office party, flight, wedding, and “quick Lagos errand”. A journey that normally takes 20 minutes will take four hours. You will leave your house in Lekki at 4 p.m. to reach a show that starts at 8 p.m., and you will arrive at 11 p.m. with your outfit crying. Just bring snacks and a power bank, and make peace with your God.

But let me be fair. It is wonderful that an international star is choosing Lagos. Our city is the music capital of this continent, and when a global name flies in to perform here, it says we are doing something right. And the Nigerian crowd is the best audience in the world. We will rap every word of the songs we heard once on the radio. We will scream when he says “Lagos”. He will say “Lagos” about seven times, and each time the stadium will shake. That is guaranteed.

So start your savings. Tell your boss. Find your outfit. And when December comes, remember the wise words of every Nigerian who has ever gone to a big show: “I will not spend much this year.”

Then go and spend much.